workshop--shaun

"Assignment #2: Childhood mini-essay" by Shaun DeLoach

This is good stuff, Shaun. Your voice is awesome, and you paint a great image of childhood. I let my boyfriend read it, and he loved it, too, but he was a little thrown off by the "klan" references. He thought that maybe you were black, and the klan was actually coming to get you. I could see how it would be confusing to someone who doesn't know you. But that's your call; maybe you could add some other detail about the klan to clarify. But I think the only thing this essay is lacking is a title--a good title could clarify the klan issue (if you even want to) and strengthen the whole piece. I especially love the specifics in the essay; they were just enough to have your voice but not so much to confuse the reader. Example: "This is my hurt I can show off but no one except me will ever feel it: not the klan, not my sister, not even the minnows in the jar." Loved it! Great job, Shaun! Can't wait to read your next piece.