workshop--beth

"Of Course" by Beth Godwin
The descriptions of the softball game and field were really vivid; I felt like I was there. The opening made me want to keep reading. I was a little confused by the description of the head coach; I can tell she is a "bad guy" in this story, but I would have liked a more concrete picture of her--what did she look like, etc. I think your goal was to show that "life was a continuous cycle," parallel to what you had experienced through softball. I liked that you didn't end on a cheesy, "inspirational sports story" ending. Sports and life are like that--hard work that doesn't always go the way you want it to. Remember that your readers might not know much (or anything) about softball, so be careful what terms you use. I liked your voice, too. The story had a lot of personality.
The biggest question I have--why did you play softball at all? You put such a negative light on softball, like you never get the recognition you deserve and you don't plan on playing it later on. What about softball did you like? I felt that some parts would be stronger if you took out unnecessary details. What is important for the reader to know? Does this story of your wrist say something about life? What message do you want the reader to take away from the story? That life is hard work and painful, but we should try anyways? What does the title mean? Does "Of Course" refer to the ironic nature of life, as in "of course that happened to me..."? Figure out why softball is so important to you, why this story is important, and make it clear to the reader. :)