workshop 2--robert

"In the Dark" by Robert Greene II

I think my favorite part of this essay was this underlying story of how lonely even the busiest of people can be, and how modern-day communications can really impact how we feel about ourselves. I like the middle crot on page 4, which really shows us that idea: "I turn the cell phone over. No one's called. I'm a bit surprised. And a bit disappointed." I like that "And a bit disappointed" has its own line and is separate. It helps a bigger impact. I think my biggest suggestion for this piece (besides cutting out why you chose this topic over going to the bars) is to show us why this day was so different for you. How hectic is a usual day in the life of Robert Greene? Expand upon what your duties are as an RA and editor, etc. How many people contact you usually? How many e-mails and calls do you get on an average day? Another theme I thought you could expand on is how different your life was before you became this involved on campus. On page 5, you bring up what your life was like freshman year, and I wanted to know more. Was it more peaceful when you were a freshman? More lonely? , etc. Good job, Robert! Can't wait to see the final draft.