workshop 2--courtney

"Diamond in the Rough" by Courtney Akins

I loved the humor in this essay! There were some great details about camping, and I could gather some of your opinions about camping before this experience from your voice. I think the fishing scene was my favorite: "The boat was now close enough to the shore and Derick stepped back in and helped me untangle the line from the hunk of wood." Great sentence! I also really liked the title; ordinarily I wouldn't like a cliche like this, but it really works for the piece.
While I liked the whole story overall, I think you can look through and decide what details are most necessary and cut the others. I really like the scene when Derick proposed to you, because it wasn't just a "fairy tale" romantic moment. I think you could cut down to just showing what happened, instead of telling us. Like, just tell us once that you were covered in bug spray, and we can get that he was avoiding touching your face because of that. I also wanted to know why you chose camping, like what did you think of camping before this experience? There was a lot of good stuff in this essay, good job! (I marked some more stuff on the actual essay. )