workshop 2--cj

"A Mark A Mission (On, In, and Around the Skin-Subculture) by C.J. Krakeel

I like the level of "expertise" that you have coming into this piece, C.J., and the language you use to show the reader your experience with this topic. Page 2: "I haven't seen this many skinheads together since the fight at the Samba Reptile, close to ten years ago." I love that as an opening sentence--in fact, I thought you could start the entire piece with that sentence. I think that the whole story of the skinhead fight was really good, although your transition back to the present story was a little rocky for me. It's good to give the reader a little background on what skinheads really are, especially since they are a group with a lot of misconceptions surrounding them, but I didn't like the "Wikipedia" summary that you used as an intro. Also, you don't need to tell us that we're reading an introduction. The reader can usually tell that it's an intro they are reading. With your level of experience with skinheads, I just wanted to know more about why you chose this as your immersion topic. It seems like you've had a lot of experience around skinheads--why was this time any different? Did you learn something new about skinheads? It was hard to tell where you were sometimes in the piece, like maybe you could make it more clear about what is going on in the present and what is going on in the past. I think a good way for you to try and educate the reader about skinheads as opposed to the Wikipedia route would be to describe a specific skinhead, or several skinheads, that you have encountered. Describe one in detail, and tell what that particular outfit, etc. says about that skinhead. Can skinheads and other members of this subculture really be judged by their attire? I think the best concrete details appear on page 7: "Most skinheads nowadays wear tight blue jeans..." Give us more of that, and maybe let us know your own personal thoughts on skinheads/skinhead culture. More reflection on your part would really help deepen this piece and inform the reader, without giving us a "research" section. But, overall, good start!