workshop 2--beth

"Horse Hooves, Rainbows, and Poo" by Beth Godwin

Well, Beth, you've gotten a lot better at descriptive language this semester. And you must have taken some serious notes while being "immersed" for this project. I think one of my favorite lines in the whole piece was on page 2: "'You mean horse shows aren't usually outside?' the overcast sky brushes the treetops, a breeze blows again and I hold my breath." I think that this line is a good example of how you can say a lot without saying it, you know? The breeze blowing and you holding your breath says everything about what it must smell like out there. On page 8, I really like the dialogue at the top of the page about how the horse smells. That's great! I've marked other places on your essay that I liked.
I guess the best suggestion I have for you is: Variety! It's good to have in-scene action going on to interest the reader, but 15 pages of straight action is a little much. I wanted to know what your ideas of horse shows were before you went there, more on your relationship to Maddie, and how much you learned, etc. That's the great thing about creative nonfiction--we're allowed to tell what we're thinking and reflect on experiences. If you maybe weave some of those ideas and attitudes into the horse show details, I think the text would be more lively. I felt lost sometimes in all the descriptions--I had to remind myself who was who, etc. Maybe focus on the most exciting parts of the show and condense down other scenes that drag on. Good job, Beth!