workshop--tara

"Childhood Essay" by Tara Lee Abernathy

This essay is a good snapshot of seeing snow as a child when you don't usually see snow. I liked the fact that she didn't come out and say, "We live in the south where it doesn't snow." It was just suggested in the story, like in her description on page 2 of what her and Darley are wearing ("gloves that still have the tags attached, and earmuffs that we thought were just for dress up"). I think that a title is really what this essay needs, and it could even be something like "The Time it Snowed in Georgia" or something, if she wanted people to know where this was taking place without stating it in the essay. I also really liked the imagery on page 1 when the kids see the snow and "It looks like the sun has exploded." I think that's a good way of describing snow that I haven't heard before. It was confusing though that they stopped when they saw the front door; is the front door glass or something? Just might want to clarify that detail. I thought the essay could start off on a more concrete detail, like what it felt like, not just "I wake up because it's cold." It could event start off with "I turn to look at Darley..." I really like the ending; it captures the child's voice very well (I especially like the bits about the snowman and the snow angels). I liked the details that she chose to include, but I kind of want more (maybe it's not possible with the constraints of this assignment). Like, how long was the power out? How long did the snow last? How long did you play in the snow? But good job! Like I said, a nice childhood snapshot.