workshop--aisha

"The Flag" by Aisha Adkins
This piece offers a really interesting perspective, especially since I witnessed this whole flag situation from the "safe" side; i.e. white. The first crot is good, but I think that going straight into you and your mother looking up at the flagpole and seeing the flag would be stronger. Also, your writing will have more force if you WRITE IT OUT. Don't censor people; if they say a cuss word, write the word, because that's how real life is. The scene that begins on page 2 is really good, when you arrive at school, but it's really long. Maybe you could weave in your thoughts about Atlanta, the south, etc. to break up this long scene. On page 3, I didn't really see how the paragraph about "My 5th period Spanish class with Senor Ramirez..." fit into the story. I like the racial tension building up on page 3, but I think you could build it up even more maybe. On page 4, I was confused about how you got out of the classroom when the guys had just locked the door--did you have to walk past people? Did you have to fight your way out? Describe it.
I also felt that the story ended too abruptly on page 5. What were these "chains and shackles" that your friends were in? Were they real or figurative? Could you add another crot about what happened with the flag, and what happened at your school? Did racial tension continue? How do you feel about Georgia now? I thought the title "Red Flag" would be even better for this piece. It suggests the color of the confederate flag and a warning going off in your head. I think this piece can be expanded a lot and made stronger. Good job, Aisha! You're on the right track!