workshop--jess

"The Great Rebellion" by Jess Miles
I thought this was a great way for Jess to really show her voice in a piece. The beginning was good, nice concrete scene with the piercer. The next crot starting with "Some rebellions" was a good touch too, kind of humorous and serious at the same time. The thing I was left wondering--why did you have to rebel in the first place? I wanted to know more about your parents. You paint a pretty good picture of them at times, showing that your father cares about you and they obviously don't approve of piercings, but...could you give us a scene that shows their character more? Are they really conservative? It's hard for me to pick up on why an adult in college would be that concerned over what her parents think of her ears, but maybe that's just me. Are you financially dependent on them still or something? Do you just not want to break their hearts?
I like the images of piercing that you give, especially on page 2: "I had forgotten about pierced ears. How they would be red and swollen the next day. How it would hurt to lay my head down at night." I love those lines, and on page 3: "I think about the shaking and the loading of the white plastic gun. I think about the pinching in my ear. I think about red earlobes and antiseptic. I think about the row of earrings." Great! I wanted to know what it is about piercings that attracted you, maybe touching on what Sonya said about that addiction to body modification that people get. Good stuff, I like the tone of this piece a lot! Just give us more of a "rebellion" and it will be even better!