workshop--paul

"A Sit-Down with Ahasuerus" by Paul Waters
First off, the title really intrigues me. I googled "Ahasuerus" and figured out that it refers to the legend of the "Wandering Jew" (both in a Biblical and allegorical way) and to a plant that grows like crazy, a weed.
"A modern allegorical view claims instead that the "Wandering Jew" personifies any individual who has been made to see the error of his or her wickedness, if the mocking of the Passion epitomizes the callousness of mankind toward the suffering of individual human beings" (Wikipedia).
Once I figured that out, I found more connections amongst the crots. I like the use of "Ahasuerus" in the title, but maybe "A Sit-Down" could be changed. The opening was great, especially the first line. It really draws the reader in. Your voice is really clear/funny throughout. You really sum up what it's like to be a questioning college student right now. I think the point of the piece was to illustrate that we all kind of wander through life; no one really knows the point of it all. If the title refers to the plant, then the forest scenes are even better, because you make connections between nature and life. And I think you were trying to show how even if we are all wandering, we all find these moments of truth in life.
The scene with Tori on page 2 was very effective, but the next scene talking about everyday life (pages 3-4) was kind of unclear. I felt there was some unnecessary detail in there, like how you were dropped off at the student union. I was also confused on page 4 when you refer to "Professor" again--is this the same Professor from page 1? Why is this scene important? I feel like you're just bordering on what you're really trying to say, but at the same time, I like the subtlety. Are you trying to tell us to look more to nature for answers? The references to Animal Planet and the woods kind of suggest that. You might want to rearrange the crots so that the acid story is intertwined with the other story more, and maybe write about a day that has dialogue that can help us take away meaning. Good stuff so far, you just need to polish it up and add/subtract scenes to make the meaning clearer. Yay Paul!