workshop--jen

"Somewhere in the Middle" by Jennifer Levin
Really emotional pieces are always the hardest to write because you want to say so much without saying too much. I liked that you avoided sounding too "whiny" and incorporated some humor into an otherwise serious piece (like the part about putting holes in Isaac's condoms). You really capture that "twentysomething biological clock started ticking" feel effectively. I really like your descriptions of the longing to have kids, like at the top of page 4: "I want to be able to paint the walls with pictures of stars and moons while my feet hurt and I feel like throwing up again."
The voice is engaging and it flows pretty smoothly, and yet...you're not getting at what you really want to say, I feel. I want to know why you want to be a mother so badly. You've got a unique background, being adopted and all, and I think you should let that be clearer in your writing. You also have some great opportunities to incorporate scenes and dialogue, like at the beginning when you talk to your mother about wanting to have so many kids. The most powerful/beautiful moment in the whole piece could be when Isaac finds you at the computer crying. Show us that moment! On page 5, when I read "I'm not in hell, I'm not in heaven" I automatically thought "purgatory." I think you could maybe go in this direction and call it something like "Baby Purgatory" or "Purgatory looks like a nursery" (well, maybe not those titles, but you get the gist). Just a suggestion. Oh, and make sure the reader knows who Isaac is. Yay Jennifer!